He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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