my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
