THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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