One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
