in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
