Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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