Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
