wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize