Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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