How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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