Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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