Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
