btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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