i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
