Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
