If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
