Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize