I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've blown a few things in my day
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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