you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is the high leading the old right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
