Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
