Are we in a gay sports bar?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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