My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
