it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
