Small penises have feelings too.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
