i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
