I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
