Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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