it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
