addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
