You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
