home. puking in laundry basket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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