i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you didnt know i had herpes?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
