the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
