i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
