Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
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