people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
