Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
