we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
