it was like his penis was on wheels.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
