Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
