WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
