Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
