I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
