She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it glows. i had to have it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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