he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
