he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
