This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
