And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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