i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
