therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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