just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize