How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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