I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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