One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
