I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize