he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
