I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
