remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
