dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
