I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
