You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
