They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
