You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
