My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize