I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
