Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
