I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Come share oat with me in your robe
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
