mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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