We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
