If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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