Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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