I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
