Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
