btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
