Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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