It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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